The Child's Art of Negotiation ... Part I

There's Option Number 1. There's Option Number 2. There's also the child's option that I didn't think of and doesn't seem to be feasible or in anyway remotely practical... but in their mind it's the only available option and how dare you mommy and daddy for not thinking of it first.

I've been to seminars and conferences. I've sat in meeting after meeting and gleaned a lot of knowledge on conflict resolution and strategic planning. All of that goes out the window when someone under the age of 3 is involved. The reasoning is VERY intuitive and egocentric. Now I've dealt with egocentric and I myself have been and am a little egocentric.. just ask my wife (who loves me greatly enough to tell me 'get over yourself' at times). My child takes the cake. It's difficult as a reasoning adult who has an advanced degree to be turned into a fumbling baffoon at times by this little person who doesn't understand all the nuances of compromise. My wife tells me often to not get into a 'power struggle' with our 2 year old but when she isn't listening and wants to scream like a banshee when she doesn't get her way and 1.2.3 doesn't work and she turns to jell-o when I pick her up because she has fallen into the floor it is very difficult not to try to show her who has more 'power' in those situations. Now I don't mean beat her into subjection but I do try to reason with her when there is no reasoning in her thought process.

I think adults could learn a lot from the negotiation tactics of children. Most of us assume the options given are the only options available. As my daughter is teaching me, there are always other options if we choose to re-evaluate the situation in simpler terms. Who knows maybe children begin thinking outside the box and through learning they become 'in-box' thinkers. What would happen if we allowed our children to negotiate their food, snack, play, bath, hobby options? For most of us we are living 'on the clock'. Whether we are at work or not there is a clock ruling our lives. Children are learning about time limitations and giving them the extra minute or two to expound on their 'options' may help guide them into a better thought process rather than as parents telling them it's either A or B. Let's slow down and see what option C or D looks like through the eyes of our children.

Jamie