482 Days to Forever!

Lexi and I always wanted more than one child. When we found out we were pregnant with Claudia it was exciting, scary, overwhelming and all the other emotions you can imagine a relatively young couple would have when having a child. Fast-forward four years and we again started having the excitement over thinking about another baby. After many failed pregnancy tests and much discouragement and disappointment we decided that maybe we were not meant to have another child naturally but that there were lots of children who needed homes and adoption was our next option.

We went through training and consultation with DFCS and decided ultimately that we would become a Foster home with the hopes of eventually adopting a child(ren) that were placed in our home. We were aware that most of these children come into care with a lot of emotional, mental, physical and historical baggage. With the background that Lexi and I had we were sure we could overcome whatever obstacle we encountered. There were several calls about children but there was not a good fit. We had to be aware that we could not save every child and we also wanted Claudia to be a part of the decision so there were some children who needed more care than we could give and sadly we had to say 'no'. Now if you are a parent who has had fertility issues and want a child and you have to say no to a child that is offered this can be very debilitating. This process was very difficult to say the least. 

One note I want to make here is that we did not go into this process with altruistic expectations of 'saving children'. We simply wanted to give a child a loving home and Claudia a brother or sister. It's always heartwarming to hear how special friends and family feel that we are by going through this process of adoption, but selfishly I feel that I wanted more children and this was the avenue we chose to take. There was no initial 'hero' complex on my end. I don't want to make anyone feel that I am upset with their well wishes. I am so glad we have such amazing friends and family, but I do want you to know that I am the one that has benefited from this process!

When we were finally called about two little girls (age 1 and 2) we were elated. I didn't know we would be called about a sibling group but honestly in the DFCS world it is more common to get a group versus an individual child. We quickly accepted and our 'littles' came into our home. Now I stated that we both felt we had the background to handle what we would go through over the past 482 days but I will say that there were times that we both felt very inadequate. Our marriage suffered a few blows. We personally had to struggle some very real demons. This was not an easy task and I had to keep reminding myself that 'I asked for it.'

Another aspect that we struggled with was the birth family. There was still a visitation plan in place with the biological mom and I will say my wife is a strong woman and mother, but to watch the children we were quickly attaching ourselves to call another woman 'mom' and then call Lexi 'mom' was difficult. Lexi handled it with care and love and more patience than I can even begin to imagine. The biological father was never in the picture so I never had that particular struggle. I can attest that it was painful to watch my beautiful wife who loved these girls through their own emotional and mental and physical issues and stayed up nights with them and then to take them to a visit with this other woman who walks in and receives immediate love from the girls was hard. The thoughts I had about her were not good. I have had to do some major praying and discussions with God to understand that all children want love and especially from their mom. These kids didn't know what 'mom' had done but she was a part of them. We had to come to terms with that and Lexi handled it with a Godlike faith and understanding.

At the last visitation with the biological mom Lexi gave this lady some very good advice and encouragement. I saw God change us in a way that is beyond words. We now have empathy for this broken girl. She was a girl having babies and her own story was riddled with issues. Lexi has mentored her, as much as she could, and encouraged her to become the best person she can be, while making sure she was secure in knowing her two girls were being given a loving home to grow up in. 

Today we sign the paperwork to become their forever family. Life has definitely changed from December 13, 2013. Family changes from 3 to 5 have been straining, fun, exhausting, exhilarating but so worth it. Last night was their last night as Foster children. I read them books and put them to bed. I kissed each of them and told them how much they were loved. I didn't get any words back but hugs and beautiful kisses in return. As I closed their door with lullabies playing them to sleep gone were the angst ridden 1 and 2 year old that arrived on that December day. Gone are the girls who hoarded food and cried at bath time. Gone were the nightmares that were prevalent those first few months. Here lay two beautiful girls secure in their room. They slept through the night in safety and love. We may be seen as the ones who have given much to them but I would argue that over these past 482 days I have gained much more. I have three beautiful daughters and a beautiful wife. I have a home that will be filled with laughter and love and I am one very blessed man.

jamie